Growing Pains

I'm turning 20 this July, meaning these are my last few months as a teenager. In this post, I will be reflecting on growing up and how trauma impacts this important process.

My brother and I when we were little!

Something I've noticed about my generation is that we would do anything to feel young again. But why are we eager to feel young when we're already so young? Why is it that in our adult lives, we stopped doing the things that once brought us so much joy throughout our youth? Why did we stop colouring, watching our favourite cartoons, building lego sets, and jumping in puddles? Who actually said we had to stop doing all these things? Are we afraid of being ridiculed or did some of us genuinely just grow out of old interests?

As a now 19-year old adult, I continue to wonder why I wanted to grow up so fast. Why was I so eager to leave my childhood behind in exchange for a world where you have to pay bills, make important life decisions on your own, and work every day?

The answer to these questions may vary depending on who you ask, yet for me, there's one simple answer: trauma forces you to grow up. You're trying to navigate all these emotions as a child, and when you add trauma on top of all that, things get really complicated. It's not easy to experience such big emotions in a tiny body. When we experience trauma in childhood, it can be difficult to imagine a life without it; it becomes very familiar.

I think when I was a kid, I convinced myself that all that pain would just magically go away when I was an adult. This forced me to rush my childhood instead of taking the time to truly cherish it. Looking back, there's not really much I could've done to change this. I just hope that one day if I choose to have children, they don't experience the same things I did. I hope they have the most magical experience growing up but more importantly, I hope they know they can carry their childlike wonder with them into their adult lives.

When did growing up become so terrifying? It doesn't have to be terrifying if we continue holding on to the things that make us feel young again. Like colouring, watching our favourite cartoons, building lego sets, and jumping in puddles. That doesn't have to go away. I think we need to spend a lot more time enjoying and preserving every little bit of our youth. We need to carry these things that bring us joy with us throughout our entire lives, even if they're considered childish. I'll end this post with a quote from Antoine De Saint-Exupéry's book, Le Petit Prince, “All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.”

With love and light,

Gabby